Ice Swimming
/Soothing the brain by shocking the body
An “avanto” in Finland, where people go ice swimming (Photo by Landry Ayres)
“I had found this incredible sense of peace right there in the middle of that ice hole.”
Season 4 // Episode 5
In Finland, it’s commonplace to go swimming in the winter — outdoors.
The practice offers surprising mental-health benefits, and it isn’t just for die-hard adventurers. On this episode, we share the story of one woman who started “ice swimming” in an effort to get through a devastating grief.
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Welcome to Out There Podcast. Our stories are written for the ear, so for those able, we recommend listening while reading along. Transcripts may contain minor errors; please check the audio before quoting.
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JESSICA HEEG: This is Jessica Taylor, and I am the advertising manager at Out There Podcast, and I am actually in the middle of the Grand Canyon right now. And I’m out at Plateau Point, so I’m right above the Colorado River. And I’ve opened up my PeakVisor app.
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Hi, I’m Willow Belden, and you’re listening to Out There, the podcast that explores big questions through intimate stories outdoors.
Our theme this season is “Secrets of the Earth.” Each episode, we’re harnessing the power of nature to better understand our own humanity.
As we head into summer, many of us are thinking about swimming. Whether it’s a trip to the beach, or a lazy day at a lake, or just taking your kids to the local splash park — being in the water can be deeply relaxing. It’s a great way to escape the daily grind and release pent-up stress.
Of course, for most of us, these activities come to an end when the weather gets cold. But what if you could go swimming year round? Outdoors? In a frozen sea?
Today we're headed to Finland, where something called “ice swimming” is common. And we’re going to explore what can happen when we try to soothe the brain by shocking the body. Landry Ayres has the story.
And just so you know, this episode discusses depression and addiction.
ELIZABETH WHITNEY: Huomenta!
LANDRY AYRES: Huomenta!
I’m standing on the shore of the Baltic Archipelago in southern Finland, about seven kilometers from downtown Helsinki. It’s 20 degrees Fahrenheit, and while the sun is in one of its rare shining moods, the air is frigid, so much so that the entire sea before me is frozen solid. Everything, that is, but a small patch at the end of a dock that a new friend of mine is descending into.
How does it feel?
ELIZABETH: It’s like I’m being swaddled in a vice grip.
(laughter)
ELIZABETH: I had this friend — I don’t know if I told you this part — he said that at about two minutes you start to get this weird euphoric feeling like, “I could just stay here forever.” (laughs)
LANDRY: I mean, when you got in I was expecting at least some sort of immediate, maybe unconscious, reaction. But it looks, if you didn’t know how cold it was, like you just jumped into any old swimming pool.
ELIZABETH: I'm Elizabeth Whitney. And my official title in the world is I'm an associate professor in the City University of New York, and I'm also a visiting researcher at the University of Helsinki.
I first came to Finland as a Fulbright scholar in 2015. It was a happy accident. It was the opposite world of New York, which was exactly what I needed. It was just quiet and beautiful. And I just, I fell in love.
LANDRY: After her Fulbright program ended, Elizabeth moved back and forth between Finland and the U.S. several times. But she kept feeling this visceral pull back to the Nordics. Eventually she settled back down in Helsinki in 2021.
But this time, it wasn’t the magical place she remembered. This was the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. Finland is already a society where it takes a lot of work to earn people’s trust. You don’t become best friends with people quickly there. And now, everyone was in covid isolation. So, it was lonely.
And then, one day, she received some really horrible news.
ELIZABETH: It was probably, I don't know, seven or eight in the morning here. And, yeah, I was alone in my apartment. And in one of those horrible movie moments where you wake up, and there are a whole list of messages on your phone, on all of the various social media platforms that we communicate on. And, you know, I'm reading like, in chronological order, that my brother is in the hospital, they don't think he's going to last another hour. And there's this garbled Google Translate voice message from my mom.
And the first person I called was my youngest brother. And he told me that Bill had died an hour ago.
I have two siblings. So I'm the oldest, Bill was the middle child, Ed is the youngest, and we were all very close as adults. Our nickname for each other was “Meow,” from Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, that was our nickname for each other. And we talked in meow meow, we sang in meow meow. And you know, we were just incredibly silly. We all have a shared sense of, of silly humor. Bill was maybe the silliest though. I mean, he was — he was really, really, really funny.
LANDRY: Bill had died of liver failure. It was a result of years of heavy drinking. His death wasn’t all that surprising, but it did happen suddenly, which of course didn’t make it any easier for Elizabeth.
In those first few days after she got the news, she kept trying to focus on the happy memories she had of her brother.
ELIZABETH: It’s so easy to get caught up in the last few years when his drinking was unmanageable, and he was unrecognizable. And it was…Frequently you just couldn't tell who you were having a conversation with, which is just an agonizing part of loving an addict, as many people know who have loved addicts.
So it's like this back and forth between remembering, you know what a beautiful, kind, loving, queer, feminist cat weirdo artist he was, and what, like, a precious person he was, and then my anger at his inability to get his shit together.
LANDRY: The next few weeks were a blur. Elizabeth had to deal with all of the mundane but exhausting tasks that come after something like this: buying plane tickets to go back home to see her family, arranging for long-term cat sitters, then going to Bill’s house and sifting through his belongings.
And then, three months later, she went back to Finland and tried to go on with life. But that was really hard.
I moved from the States to Finland not long before Elizabeth returned, and one of the first things you realize upon settling down here is that Finland is a nation of extremes. The summers are wonderful, but during the winter, the sun barely comes above the horizon, and it’s almost always cloudy. It’s so dark that over the course of a whole month, you only get a few hours of sunlight. It’s harsh, and one of the most common reasons newcomers have a hard time adapting to life here.
So returning to Finland in the middle of one of the most bleak times of year was already going to be tough. But when you’re still in Covid isolation and your brother has died, that’s another level of pain. A kind of pain where the grief overshadows everything else. Where it seems like there’s no possibility for relief.
ELIZABETH: I just was desperate. I needed to do something, I was numb. Like, if that makes sense, I was so physically numb, I just wanted something shocking. I just wanted to shock myself into a different place. And I just decided, I'm going to start ice swimming.
LANDRY: Ice swimming has been a popular pastime in the Nordics for centuries. Lots of people do it. And it’s not just for rugged, tough survivalist types. There’s actually kind of a stereotype that it’s a hobby for older women. Imagine grannies puttering out onto a dock with flowery swim caps and neoprene socks on, then jumping into a frozen lake. When COVID-19 started, there was a big uptick in younger people picking it up, too. So, Elizabeth decided to try it.
ELIZABETH: And so it did feel a bit like, you know, Cheryl Strayed in Wild where she’s just like, “I'm just putting this backpack on and I’m gonna start walking.” And so I just was like, “I'm just going out there.” And I had like the cheapest flimsiest shoes and gloves, and I had no idea what I was doing.
LANDRY: Elizabeth went to an avanto, which is what Finns call a hole in the ice, where they swim, or rather, dip. There are tons of them scattered around Finland: small and large, well maintained and not. And they really are just holes in the ice.
ELIZABETH: So it's almost like you're at a Finnish mökki, which is the summer cottage where there's a sauna, and then you walk down to the water to swim. And then you walk out of the cabin and down these wooden steps. And you have to walk across this often very icy, gravelly path. And then you walk down a pretty long dock, and there are steps that go down into the water, and you sort of push off from the steps and swim.
The first time I went in, I managed to stay for 12 seconds.
When you go in the water your muscles seize up. You are in a survival mode, like a really basic survival mode. And you panic.
LANDRY: One of the things experienced cold swimmers will tell you is that the most important thing to do when you first start to panic like this is to control your breath. You shouldn’t think about the pain or numbness or how badly you want to get out; you should just try to steadily breathe in and out. That focus on the most basic of human needs, to breathe, helps distract you from everything else and prevents you from being overwhelmed and hyperventilating. So that’s all Elizabeth tried to do — just breathe.
ELIZABETH: When I came out, I felt like I was on fire. It was like someone had plugged me into an electric socket. All your nerve endings just kind of fizz out for a minute, and you can't feel anything. You actually feel warm, like almost hot, like you feel this burning sensation all over your whole body. And it was, it was just, it was in a high it was this incredible high, and I just stood on the dock like, “This is drugs.”
And then of course, you're chasing that high, if you will, for the rest of the time that you're swimming. Like, every time you do it, you're like “Aaah, is it gonna feel that good again? Is it gonna feel that good?” And of course, it's never as good as the first time, but it always does feel like, you always do get just like that burning endorphin rush. That's the part that keeps you going back.
ANTTI LINDFORS: People refer to this practice as an addiction and themselves as having become addicted to this cold exposure.
LANDRY: This is Dr. Antti Lindfors, a postdoctoral researcher at the University of Helsinki and co-author of Avantoon: A Winter Swimming Handbook. He says Elizabeth’s reaction is common. A lot of cold swimmers compare their hobby to an addiction. It happens because, when you’re in a stressful situation, like cold swimming, your body releases a bunch of chemicals in order to level you out. It’s immediate. It’s intense. And it actually feels really good.
LINDFORS: I think it has to do with neurochemicals and hormones that cold exposure releases: noradrenaline and adrenaline, endorphins, which are these, basically, body's own morphine, a painkiller, and also dopamine and serotonin, these neurotransmitters.
LANDRY: It’s kind of ironic, right? Elizabeth’s brother has just died from complications of substance abuse. And now she’s describing her one relief as “addicting.” If you didn’t know the high came from swimming it would sound a little self destructive. But actually, Lindfors says this kind of natural high can be pretty good for you.
LINDFORS: If you're highly stressed, it helps you release those stress hormones and balances you back. But if you're, like, fatigued, you have low levels of stress hormones, it helps you to pump them up. So it has a balancing effect. And all of these have an effect on energy levels, focus, and through that, it's considered a potential treatment for depression, for instance.
LANDRY: Elizabeth was hooked right away, so she kept with the cold swimming. Chasing the high of that first time, she returned to the avanto every day for a month straight, strengthening her diaphragm and practicing the proper breathing technique. She bought better neoprene socks and gloves, and got keys to a changing room so she didn’t have to change on the windswept dock.
She was slowly becoming strong enough to stay in the water for longer periods: for 15 seconds, 30, then a minute, then two, the lack of feeling in her fingers and toes lasting longer and longer.
ELIZABETH: It took me a couple of weeks before I could think about something other than surviving. And then maybe like a week after that, where I was like, “Oh, my God, this is gorgeous. This is incredible.” I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. You know, of course I've been swimming in Finnish lakes and ponds and in the Baltic in the summer, and had that experience, where I felt the stillness of it. But I'd never felt it in the winter.
You know, Finnish winter is so beautiful. Even when there's, when the sun isn't out, there are so many shades of darkness that mix with the lightness that you can see. Gray and blue and silvers. And then there's birds circling overhead. And sometimes there's birds in the water with you, swimming and flying above and making beautiful bird noises. And immediately in front of you, you see the water, like the Baltic water, which is this sort of greenish gray color. But then there's this just vast expanse of white. So it feels like you're looking across a Tundra.
LANDRY: Elizabeth remembers one day in particular when everything seemed to solidify — when she realized the avanto could give her more than just a high.
ELIZABETH: I was alone in the avanto. And it was so quiet. It almost took my breath away, because it was so calming. It was like the stillness that I found inside of me matched the stillness that was around me in the nature. It was just this incredibly grounding experience. I felt like I was just part of that avanto, like I had found this incredible sense of peace right there in the middle of that ice hole.
LANDRY: It might sound counterintuitive that being in freezing cold water in January would bring you a sense of peace, but for Elizabeth it did.
She went back to the changing room on the shore and sat on the bench, warming up, and knew something was different. The pain wasn’t gone. Her grief from Bill’s passing was still there. And her fingers were still numb from the icy water. But it was no longer all consuming. She felt a newfound serenity. And she realized the two could coexist — that grief didn’t have to be gone for her to feel peace.
It’s been over a year since Elizabeth lost her brother Bill. There’s been another winter, another season of relearning what cold swimming can do, another year of coming to grips with loss. She still misses Bill, still gets angry at him for the pain he caused, still feels sorry for the pain he lived with. But she’s no longer numb to those feelings, and instead, is finding ways to purposefully explore them. She’s been writing a lot, working on a book about the experience.
What do you think Bill would say if you were able to call him up and be like, “I just went ice swimming today and told him about…”
ELIZABETH: Yeah…He’d say, “Meow. That's crazy, meow. That's crazy, Meow! Send me a video.” I don't think he would want to do it. I don't think he would be interested in ice swimming. I tried to convince Ed, my other brother, to come by swimming. I don't think he wants to do it either. Which I respect, I respect. But yeah, I think that Bill would be like, “That's wild. And what an amazing way to commune with nature.”
LANDRY: Elizabeth’s grief had been like a sheet of ice, hard and solid. But there was an immense amount of joy underneath it, a love for Bill and all their time together that she’d swam in since they were just a couple of silly kids. The avanto was more than just a literal hole in the ice. It was a gateway through her anguish, a door that let her enter those happy memories. It led to a small pool of joy amidst the vast tundra of grief.
WILLOW: That was Landry Ayres. Landry is a creator living in Helsinki, Finland. You can find more from them on their Youtube channel, Finlandria, and on their podcast, You Only Guide Me by Surprise.
Coming up next time on Out There: When was the last time you went outdoors and just sat there?
MYKELLA VAN COOTEN: It wasn’t long before my brain started circling. Had I forgotten anything? Had I put all my stuff away? Was the car locked? Did it even need to be? Ah, this sitting still, doing nothing, it felt so weird.
WILLOW: Tune in on June 29th for a story letting go and uncovering some surprising personal truths.
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Today’s story was reported and written by Landry Ayres. Story editing and sound design by me, Willow Belden. Out There’s advertising manager is Jessica Heeg. Our audience growth director is Sheeba Joseph. Our ambassadors are Tiffany Duong, Ashley White, and Stacia Bennet. And our theme music was written by Jared Arnold.
Special thanks to all of our listeners who are supporting Out There with financial contributions, including Eric Biederman, Phil Timm, Doug Frick, Tara Joslin, Deb and Vince Garcia, and the family of Mike Ludders. If you’d like to get in on the fun and support Out There financially, just go to patreon.com/outtherepodcast or click the link in the episode description.
We’ll see you in two weeks. And in the meantime, have a beautiful day, be bold, go outside, and find your dreams.
Episode Credits
Story by Landry Ayres
Story editing and sound design by Willow Belden
Music includes works from StoryBlocks and Blue Dot Sessions
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